is it me?

alot of things clouded my mind....
I think i really have very high expectation on myself? or i am really not UP to the expectation... Maybe both? i dunno......
Seems like I really having a tough week this week.. having alot of evalution plus feedback..

Seriously speaking... i am sick of the praise and worship i am leading....... mediocre....when i listen to my own recording.................... seriously.. i hated it....
Seems like where i want to go and where i am now is really far off...
recently i gotten some feedback from someone.. that commented that i am still pretty far off from where i want to be ( btw.. i appreciate his/her feedback, it makes me really ponder)
Am i really up to the thing... so many "dunno how" i am handling... so many issue that i have handle.. new pastoral grp to take care of...
Am i really the one.... i been thinking............ I just so fustrated that why i am not growing as fast as i want to be....
Jo told me "vision is a vision, calling is calling " different.... it hit me somehow... But i pray that my calling is the same as my vision and i believe that God breathe this vision in me cause he know i will pursue his calling in my life.

I ask myself this question.. why i want to be the best praise and worship leader in Hope? cause i really believe that God have higher expectation of me.. lets say i have this passion in me.. lets say God give me this holy discontentment in me... But yet i want to make sure not because of pride or fame or either popularity...

I'm pressing on no matter what... I really dont believe that we cannot...............................

i getting less and less confident in the thing i doing... but i know God is with me...

It will be done.

was watching the chc website today.
This church really challenge me alot , their faith, their deeds that spring out of their faith, their ministry is so anointed by the lord... They indeed is a church that spur me on to want to do more in my own church
I love Hope singapore.... the people here love the lord, love people, love the word... we are willing to give our all to the lord. Is a wonderful church... therefore i really believe that God have no choice but to bless us.. really...

been thinking about my life... was talking to zul over the msn... telling him that why God use CHC so much... why not us.. is not possible that God only want to bless CHC... but God have blessing to pour onto us... one CHC is not enough... cause God is more ambitious then us.. he want all the church to be the HEAD and not the TAIL... therefore it spurs me on...

Everyone can wait for everyone to move.. but i really convicted that it starts from someone... and that someone can be me...
I may not be the most spiritual, the most gifted... talented.... but i have a burden to make it happened.
5 years??? some says.... i cannot wait... I want to see it happened during my 25th BD.... I dont know how .. but i willing to start from me... when one seed dies to the ground .. it will in turn produces many.. it spurs me on..
being a good example.. what is it like to be a levites... live a life that is clean and clear before God...

Realise some area of my life is not so right before the lord, i want to grow out of it .. not easy.... really tough.. but what is easy.. if it suppose to be easy.. then it will not be call obedient...

.................................................................

Tp guys cg starts to form the shape somehow.. really have great time with my new sheep.. and he is Ben... our very own Cow... Tpguys is really funny.. but am really bless with this group.. they are a bunch of fun loving ppl... hahah.. have fun with them... like lanchester.. jinwei... steward... mervyn.... etc... ( dun stone me if i didnt mention you all )
haha.... But they are a great bunch to play with.. i led worship yesterday as usual... the first time i heard the guys sing so loudly,,, weixiang prophesy.. they pray tongues loudly... wooho.. God change.. when God is there.. everything changed... excited for them.....

at the same time.. i misses RP ppl....hahah.. misses visiting the CG... and also creating lame stuff toegther,., serving god and crying together... something that we went thru together.... but i know they are doing very well now.... thats why i am so happy for them.. but cant help la.. miss them.. hahaha =) all my funny buds that is inside RP..... you all in my prayer list still man!! =)

want to die liao

I want to explode liao...........
How come till now i still cant get any inspiration for song................................
Pondering....................
Am stuck with verses... descriptive words... watever............................................................. =..=
ps 40.... god will put a new song in my mouth.....
" I am willing Lord"
..................................................................................
Waiting.......

Obedient is better then sacrifice.

wow.. have a good time jamming with the wamers... we have the hope cafe time .. haha.. off the light singing songs... woohoo.... long time nv have that liao.

really glad to see zul, jovin, ben, joycelyn, in the jamming team already.hahaha have so much laughter and fun in it.... singing rock version of jesus is my rock.. hahahah.. so fast lo the drum,.. then this eugene singing some taiwan song... waaa.. puke !!!
btw.... prayed that we will not
just improve in skill.. but lord,.. your spirit. =)

Recently been thinking abt this thing call fame and popularity. If one that really we become so so famous... ( like hillsong) can we take the fame and popularity,. will be credit it to the lord or is all about US by then. Servanthood attitude and that sweet aroma of character that oozing out of the very core of our being.
sometime we are not is because we cannot handle yet. I think we are in this stage. we can blame from the guitarist, to the sound, to the wl, to the floor manager... blah blah blah.... but come to think about it... if let says God really want to bless and move up to the very top ( provide we have a heart for it) will God stop us..sabo us???
the answer is NO!!!
God wont... cause God plan and intention is to use and raise us Up to the very top... skill and be learned... be anointing can only we earned and bless by God when we have that heart and character to handle. If God can heal a lame... raise a dead.... God and start from nothing to create a world that is so profound.. why on earth God will like to cap us and limit us??? cannot be...... unless man is filled and full of oursleves that God can pour himself in... cause God desire a empty vessel... Obedient is better then sacrifice...

2 more years towards my vision and fulfillment of it. i am 25 by then. time is running fast and getting shorter everytime...


Cap is given by man not God.. for God's plan for man is anointing because he have given us the best --- Holy spirit.

this is the week after the mission trip liao. a good and wonderful trip .. though in the midst of the trip i misses my dear friends in singapore. haa.. i smsed them in the midst of the service.. not because i not givuing attention to the pastor... but i really dun understand a single word coming from his mouth lo.. he speaking in thai... alamak...

In the trip.. i listened to the self composed song alot alot times.. dunno how many times in exact.. but really alot of times... not that i find satisfaction in listening to my own songs... but i am hoping to personalise the songs... or have any chance to change or improve the lyrics of the songs. I really desire to write songs that minister. not the tune.. or the chimness of the lyrics.. but a song that touch the very heart of God and pour down his love to the congregation when his people sing the very song to Him. the funny thing is this... now the people that stay together with me in the same hotel room during the trip actually know how tos ing the song already... hahah.. cause they subconciously catch the tune .. cause i sing alot alot of times per day lo.... hahah... thanks ze jun and josephine free advertisment!! haha

But the trip is one fruitful one in terms of my understanding of why singapore is such a unqiue and strategic place to be. why hope singapore is so important. not that we egoistic... but we trully holds a very important role in terms of discipleship and also church planting. equipping ppl to be send out. hope singapore need to grow to become a mega church so that we can help pther churched who learning the rope to grow to become one as well. we cannot keep on becoming pioneering church.. we need to be developed church. that makes me really want to do well in discipleship in my ministry. may it be worship or pastoral. we can go ard equipping people!!

i need to continue to grow in my character. humility and also learning attitude. =)