is it me?

alot of things clouded my mind....
I think i really have very high expectation on myself? or i am really not UP to the expectation... Maybe both? i dunno......
Seems like I really having a tough week this week.. having alot of evalution plus feedback..

Seriously speaking... i am sick of the praise and worship i am leading....... mediocre....when i listen to my own recording.................... seriously.. i hated it....
Seems like where i want to go and where i am now is really far off...
recently i gotten some feedback from someone.. that commented that i am still pretty far off from where i want to be ( btw.. i appreciate his/her feedback, it makes me really ponder)
Am i really up to the thing... so many "dunno how" i am handling... so many issue that i have handle.. new pastoral grp to take care of...
Am i really the one.... i been thinking............ I just so fustrated that why i am not growing as fast as i want to be....
Jo told me "vision is a vision, calling is calling " different.... it hit me somehow... But i pray that my calling is the same as my vision and i believe that God breathe this vision in me cause he know i will pursue his calling in my life.

I ask myself this question.. why i want to be the best praise and worship leader in Hope? cause i really believe that God have higher expectation of me.. lets say i have this passion in me.. lets say God give me this holy discontentment in me... But yet i want to make sure not because of pride or fame or either popularity...

I'm pressing on no matter what... I really dont believe that we cannot...............................

i getting less and less confident in the thing i doing... but i know God is with me...