Servanthood

All praise and honour be unto God.
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This sentence though look simple. a sentence that made up of 7 words. But yet these 7 words have such powerful essence to it. I been experiencing what is like to match my heart to this 7 words in all that i am doing and striving for.

In praise and worship leading, in pastoral ministry, my family, relationship with people.
I really like the song from paul baloche, all honour and praise.
One of the sentence goes like this : "lord , when you are glorified, my heart is satisfied, we know, all praise and honour are yours"

I experience this the most not when i am receieving some awards or etc... but when i realise that whatever thing i do , the results sucks.

The praise and worship night for polydi turn out to be something that i never expected it to be. ( but i really thank God for the musicians who played well and work hard for it!)
Alot people comments is not God's centered, not ministering, too music centered.
During the RDMM, all these are so called feedback. I have such difficulties to accept it, cause i really see it as a time that i can be used by God in a way that i have never experience before. I was so so so disppointed ( not dissppointed by the RDMM team comments itself, but much of the outcome)
I really am so crushed .. why God????? i am asking??? WHy again?????? you did it once.. now again.... You know my heart is not self glorifying..............................................................
But God says to me : Search deeper

I really ask God... I really did. Asking God.. is it that i am not meant to lead? or what???? what you trying to teach me.......
Is not abt the style of music... ( which is true that ppl comment that the music choosen is not appropriate that night ) i am actually kinda of defensive when people comment the kind of music is not spiritual..... I was like........ ....... ooooo.. ok........
But God you know........... Just feel so so so so ......... hmmm...

I went back hiome on sunday night.... heavy in heart. was talking to Jon lee and jov on the way back home. Jov say i stress... but i am not stressed.. but more like.... " why?? " who on earth want to serve God in delight in ineffectiveness or cannotmakeit- ness. no one i believe... at least not me.

The more i think.. the more i come before God and reason
I break before God and say... i really sucks lord!! How much i dont like it...
A
t this moment , i remember what i learn frm paul baloche workshop :
Is abt serving. servanthood.


I start to accept all this with humility.
start to recognise that is not what i prefer.. but what is the best in serving people ard me, in the church through God's given roles.
Once i remember Alan tea says that alot of stage minister like musicians and singers have diff to stay long in this ministry and people come and go...
which i do agree that this ministry is not easy.. is really serving... not about preference, what i like.. what music i love, what style i am...
But what the best to serve the congregation.. when we cloth on the humility of christ , the servanthood spirit, we have such joy in serving him with our roles. Criticism, evaluation... all this is for us to grow and improve... we need to learn this big time!! if not we will not grow and serve Him beyond who we are... serving God is not abt who we are... but who he is.. what he think the best.....
If God want me to change.. i will .. though i know it will take time.. but i will..

Make me servant of God.. not servant of music, instrument, style..... what he called us to be.. we will be.

psalm it says " rejoice in trembling" rejoice is more then a feeling.. is a attitude that reflects from our christ like character.


yesterday in DLC, pastor jeff share that he teared when watching city harvest service where taufik and singers went for their emerge conference as guest star. Not that pastor jeff jealous that taufik went to their church.. but is more like.. " God why not me ? why not our church as well that able to be so influence? "
when he say that, i felt the same too.... but then i know why la.. for my case.. i need to change.

musicians and singers: lets really grow in the lord. in heart, in mind and in character. God will mould. and allow him .