NellyBirdie

I am back..

2007-07-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

woohoo.. I am finally back!! first of all..like to say SORRY to those who visited my block in vain.. lol.. i forgotten my PW thats why it tooks me YEARS to actually.. ahhem~ gotten back to my blog! ha! i really have short term momories.

The first thing that i saw in my blog is that entry that i have made in the beginning of this year during Febuary regarding of the vision that God have given me on arts arena... somehow it reminded me of what God have inspire me that time.
Now to think about it, vision comes with a price to pay.Many are inspire, but not much willing to stick through it,for vision comes with sacrifice. When I read back my entry, i realise it comes with such enthuasiasm and faith to believe that it sure will come to past. It was such enthusiasm when Moses went up to mountain top and heard the voice of God and bring the 2 tablets back to the isrealites... But yet he forfiet his blessing to be able to go into the promise land due to his disobedience to the lord when he struck the lord. He loses all.... just for that action, he lost it.
I realise that many a times, i can be so excited about the vision that God have place in my life and at that point of moment, i realloy believe that I can trully move any mountain which is placed infront of me at that moment. But God.. nv fail to makie me see who i trully am in me. I realise that i come to a point of deeply disappointment upon my own life of what i have not reached and what i have not done... Its a sucky feeling that one can have. some thing that i really would have run away from it, i could gladly do so..... but yet i know i cant. Because i want to remain faithful to the lord and same time knowing that this is my training ground.

God is not interested in how comfortable i am , but my character.
Many nights of tears and crying out to God.. crying out for mercy, for strength and his grace in my life.
Still remember that Peter Throng when he in singapore prophesy in me . i still remember what he says.. he tells me that God ask me to remember that His grace is sufficient in my life, for he sense of the training and pruning that will come.. the weakness in me. I can still remember vividly now.

I need to learn to rejoice in the Lord in all circumstances. Only the H.S can do it in me.

God Help Me. I really need you SO MUCH......................................................................

Broken

LC reflections.

2007-02-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

hahah... people asking me why i so long never update my blog.. cause i forget my password, but now am back from Lc. Its was a great trip . As usual, Lc is always great, cause all the leaders came together for a common purpose. But really hope to see more full time wamers coming for LC next time. In fact, hope to see Arts conference next time. haha!

God really convict me anout support ministry in this trip. Its a great channel to bring in more talented and gifted people into the ministry. God deepened my vision and burden about artist ministry in this trip , not only that but gifting and talents in the church cannot be buried. We reallyneed to be faithful to every single talents and giftings that God place in the church and make it to the fullest for his church. This is talents management. Not only that, i believe that purpose of one's life is found when the person fully involved in the building of God's church through God given talents.

I am really convicted that God will really use hope singapore to bless many other churches ard the world. But first, we need to do well in singapore first. I am willing to work double hard, stretch myself. I need to use my giftings well and in turn bring many pther gifted people into the church. Artist belong to God.
Community service as well, we need to help the needy and the poor. Thats God commandment to us. Love your neighbour as yourselves. Is not the righteous that need Him, but the sinners and the needy.
The world is broken and sick, therefore we need to be that perfect bridge that bridge God to the world. Not asking the world to come to the church, but the church need to go the world to bring them to christ. embrace them and love them. Not love their sins, but lovingly guide them AWAY from sins.
through this LC, i got clearer of the vision in my life. I want to build good ministry in singapore, then we trully able to equip other churches ard the world. we are the next generation, lets do it well.

My vision :
1) Hope Singapore impact conference in 2010
2) Developed WAM ministry that equip churches ard the world frequently ( on tour PnW team)
3) Homegrown Artist that impact the secular world( salt and light)

Am willing to work doubly hard to see it come to past. I know it will not be easy, but it got to start somewhere by someone somehow. Who is onboard with me, do pray for it to come through. Singapore have a great responsibility, lets quickly grow up then we can do what God have planned for us to do globally.

by the way , valentine day is coming and Ps jeff just preach a wonderful sermon about BGR. The clearer the vision the lesser the options the easier the decisions. . I think its true.. but for me is
the CLearer the vision . the lesser the options, the TOUGHER the decisions. hahaha.. cause nothing much left. But i believe God will give a good one that have similar vision as me and together to build the church strong.
I saw from georgia blog, her criteria is like 30+ lo... waa... to be her husband.. TOUGH job man.. hahah.... mine easier... only 3 , but i know that God is the one that make me whole. Let me focus on my relationship and vision in God first.
Criteria :
1) Praise and worship/ Arts ministry ( passion for artist )
2) God fearing
3) faithful.

Happy valentine day for those who read my blog in time for valentine day! =)

worship

2007-01-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

Style? or worship? I think this is always a hot topic and a most argued topic ever. This is always something that people argued over because of culture preference and also probably the way that they can accept.
God is beyond style and God love all style.. cause is the heart of the worshipper that God is please about.
But then why.. people still concern about style ?
cause we are all different , the way we are brought up is diff, the environment we are in are diff as well. Some of us we are used to classical music , some of us we are used to hip pop , some of us we are used to rock... we all have diff preference.
so back to the question.. so is worship for God or Man?
I really think is both. from God to man and then back to God again through man's sincere heart of worship unto Him
Style is a tool to worship, whereas God is the object of worship.
I truly think that we need to continue to navigate and educate the people ard us that style is not the key to worship God, BUT as worship team we will be willing to be all things to all man cause we are here to serve them.
Am thinking how can we able to reach the stage whereby we can play one kind of music BUT touch all man... - Unless God works, if not difference will be the barrier. But when God come and touch the heart of people through the worship , difference will no longer be the barrier.
Praying that we will reach that point soon. as we continue to work through it through God strength and wisdom.

Maybe....

2007-01-17T00:29:00.000-08:00

Maybe .... i am just not up to it.
Just not good enough.. thats how i feel.
Have you experience what is it like to not be able to do what you are passionate about cause you have this stupid weakness in you.. that you try very hard ( ignorant abt) that is bugging you.
Nel you are a leader, you are to perform this way if you want to do what you are passionate about....
I've TRIED........................................................................................
It make me wonder... maybe my passion is just a passion.. i've seen alot of people with so much passion in something in God. but they nv about to achieve... because God just have another plan for that person. I've start to think this way.

But ... i am willing to go through it still. By his grace i will stand.

What God want vs what i want

2006-11-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

I am still discovering as well. What God wants... pondering...Definitely God wants us to be people who have character . I hope to be one too. Recently this thing hit me real hard especially after attending the monday jamming. God is looking for both, spirit and skill. is not mutually exclusive.
I love the lord, therefore i want to improve my skill, not i want to play for service therefore i want to love the lord.
this become very real in me.
After the jamming, i went back home walking in the rain. Have anyoneof you trying to walk in the rain for 1/2 half purposely? I DID.. I walk in the rain for 1/2 hr , letting the raindrops fall on me as i worshipping the lord , with the rain drop hitting on my face, mixing together with the tears falling from my eyes. I have such burden.... something that i find hard to use any word to describe.
Once again, i sense God is with me. Just me and God, silently. no conversation, but just know that He is with me walking with me. He is aware of all my emotions, my feelings my thoughts. Like in Psalm 33 "

"he who at his dwelling place
watches all who is on earth"

he form the heart of all, and consider everything we do. He once again captivated my heart with his love.
How sweet the sound, the sound that you can only hear it when you trully put your heart in Him.
I love it, i yearn for it and i am addicted to it.

I just want to obey the lord as much as i can. For his grace have been so evident in my life.

God says in psalms"

"cast all you cares on him

he will will sustain you

he will not let the righteous falls."

This verse just give me such assurance, when i start to cast all my cares on him. he will take care.

Maybe some people will think that i am emotional, but I use it for the best. To enjoy Him in my life. Nothing wrong with being emotional, but is how and who you use it on? I choose to use it on HIM.

Btw... my sheep ask me what my criteria for my spouse in future.... it just make me laugh... cause i still remember Leanne told me hers that time and when i heard it.. i am like " MAn.... ONLY JESUS FITS IT lo"
hahah... its really funny...
Jasmine been asking me about this as well. I am not really Kam jeong over it yet .. there are still many things that i find more important than this area of my life.
But nevertheless, i started to think .. what i want... cause i dun want to end up with any Tom dick or harry... waa...... -.-''

Then i start to think through... and come up with this top 3 criteria

1) Passion , Burden and have vision in praise and worship
2) God Fearing
3) Faithful

I think this is what i have come to after thinking through.

Anyway, I am still so young... now all in me is to see my vision step by step coming to pass as i walk in obedience in God.

God is with me.

Learning from CPM

2006-11-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

CPM has finally ended. It was a great experience in kallang theatre ministering to more then 2k people ( i think ).

Actually am not satisfied with what I have done in the CPM in term of supporting the WL and I think the CPM is not the standard that we all think it can be also ( that is what both me and jasmine think) The PnW is well done, but if the prayer part able to work well with the PnW part i think it will be great.
I told jasmine the reason why i want to join in theback up singers for the CPM Worship team. The reason is simple, i just want to put myself in the shoe of a support singer, so that i will understand from a role of a support singer. I realise a few thing:

1) Develop chemistry and coordination with the WL is important. So that we will feel safe in singing free worship .
- not that i am saying that we are not allowing room for holy spirit to prompt us what to sing. But i believe that we must do what is humanly possible as well.

2) Must trully personalise the songs.
- Dont think that no one will knows , God KNOWS!

3) Have fun on the stage.
- Not trying o perform to turn man's attention unto ourselves... but to inspire congregation to abandon themselves in praising God with all their might.

These are a few things that i learned. Though only been a support singer for once, but is a good experience for me ultimately. Hopefully to have more chance also to be exposed to such a big setting and events so that i can build myeslf towards that stature as well.

Definitely all these things are what i learn when i am called to function in the role. But there are certain thing that I learn as well when i am on the stage leading.
Some questions came across my mind :

1) " Nel , do you trully meant every single words that you sang in the song? "
2) " Nel , do you trully have love and compassion towards the congregation that you are leading during the praise and worship?"
3) " Nel , Do you trully believe that worship can be powerful tool for evangelism?"

All these questions just pop up when i am dancing and singing on the stage. what leaves in me the deepest impression is actually the 2nd question.
" do i really love the people that i am leading , in the praise and worship session?"
Worship leader is like a pastoral leader as well, every week we are feeding the truth to them just that we have music accompanied to it while preacher dont .
It really struck me and caught me thinking. I seriously dont think that i am there or anywhere near there at all. The more i think about this question, the more i realise the disgusting weakness that i have in my life. The more i think about this question, the more i think what ever i give to the lord when i lead in saturday service is FAR FAR off what God have actually destined worship to be every time when we start blowing or playing our instrument , when we start opening our mouth to sing . -- Man meet God, Life changed.
I just love psalm 51. david wrote this psalm when nathan confronted him about this adultery with bathesheba. from this psalm you know that he met God and his sincere repentence and because of this, he realise how much God love him cause of his unfailing love.
Man are sinful people, we need not always tell or nag at people how sinful they are( not that we shouldnt preach about sin , we shd , cause jesus preach it too!) cause when they meet God, God's holiness will contrast out the sinfulness of man, but yet we dont feel condemned because we realise that what is fall short is add up by the very blood of Jesus. Because of Jesus we are make righteous again. when we experience the presence of God and understand the redemption purpose of christ, gratefulness filled up our very heart.

Thats the power of praise and worship. Not because that I love music, but because its biblical. Levites are the frontline people during battle. I dont think any one of us when during battle will put all the lame, injured or mental problem people infront of the battle line right? if we able to understand this simple logic, i think God is way way way wiser then us. =)
If that is the way God operate when fighting a war, then is important for me to take it seriously and fight this spiritual warfare well.

Now what i trully want to focus on is trully love the congregation , servanthood attitude.

may God's strength be with me. The joy of the lord is my strength. =)

My adventure with God in Thailand.( a super long entry)

2006-11-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

There are so many things that have happened these few days.. its really a adventure with God. So many things that i really hope to blog out but yet somehow..... dunno where to start from. so i decided to start from what happened on saturday ...

4th Nov

Decided to give a miss to the parachute band worship workshop... arrgghh... actually, i really hope to go but i know what is much more important to me at this moment. I decided to stay at home and wait upon the lord for a rhema word and also assurance. In fact .. i am full of FEAR then faith for the worship in the evening service. Thurs rehearsal was a BOoo Boo.. alot of unsure and etc... Muah cannot come for rehearsal also... No acoustic Guitar was a NO NO for me... I feel so handicapped..... seriously.. on top of that.. i am still pretty much affected by the remarks that i recieved on tuesday ( i blogged in previous entry) I feel so inadequate actually.. i cannot help but filled with fear. But yet... in my heart .. i can sense that God whisper his assurance in me..i am not trying to be cliche yet... i really can sense and hear his whisper in my heart... its like he is telling me this --- " Nel, dont trust in what you have, trust is what I CAN GIVE" on thursday..
On saturday morning, I choose to stay at home.. spending time worshipping and praying for a word from HIM. ( btw.. i am down with Flu that time) Just when i am praying.. i felt that ZZZZZ monster was calling my name.... feel like sleeping ( is actually 1pm that time and fyi .. i have meeting at 230pm) aarrrhh..... i know i cannot sleep..i really need God assurance... SO I DECIDED TO LIE down and pray... hahah .....
Just at that split second when i lie down and pray.. God spoke to me....
Wine and water.. the parable abt jesus turn the water into wine... abt God can turn defeat into victory.. when we believe.. God is mighty...
At that moment.. i am indeed filled with awe.......................................................
the praise and worship turn out to be a blessing to the church.. techincally speaking.. we are rather... erm.. not that professional.. BUT GOD VISITED us indeed.. the worship is indeed spirit filled. funny thing is this.. when i am down with flu and cough.. alvin come and tell me at the end of the service that my singing improves tremendously.. I AM LIKE... WOW.... Must be God... and i know is HIM.. i am very sure abt that... God show me what is like when we learn t ohumble ourselves... God can do much more through our life... obedience is together with humility. when we are obedience, humility comes along...start with obedience for those who find it hard to be humble.. God will create situation to help us to be humble because he knows that no matter what we will obey throughout the moulding process.
God is indeed amazing...

Oh btw... i got a card from Jovin that is written by Wayne in parachute band.. haha. its like wayne wrote a card to me personally .... SO HAPPY!! hahah.. but what he wrote in the card strikes me.. It goes :

Worship + seek God = God will make your private cry public...
first place.. i need to cry more privately ( i dun mean literally " cry" ,if you are wondering ) God wil make my life a public instrument to declare his glory more.

5th Nov:

Have a great time with Huimei .. cause we share the same room. She is one funny person actually. Dont see her like quite quiet.. she is one joker too.. Love talking to her and sharing tots abt ministry... Btw... we stay in this mansion called the rhoampo mansion... WAA... is one haunted mansion i think.. when i walk across the pathway.. i can sense that " thing" hahah.. there is a BIG hole on the ceiling of the bathroom somemore. me and huimei was thinking whether will there be a head coming down from that hole while we bathe halfway a not actually...... arh.... so we decided not to lock the door when we bathe.. hahahaha. =P
In the afternoon we went to this MBK... we bought a lot of stuff there... yeah!! deceided not to buy anything for anyone.. not that i MEOW... but.. i realise that if i buy one.. i have to buy MANY...wow... hmm... maybe during christmas they will receive my gift then.. haha ( sorry peeps!)
At night... we went back to the eerie room... and i realise that i forget to bring my journal!! so sad..... so i decided to write in my notebook first...
i really love writing journal now...........

6th Nov

Woke up at 7am thai time ... wore my newly bought orange t-shirt.. which i am super duper proud of.. hahah.. i just loved it.. btw.. i look like one big orange... cause my blusher is orange colour and coincidentally.. my hair is orange colour too.. haha... ( that what xueting call me in the trip.. orange..... wondering when can i get out of being a family member of fruits?? ")
We went to the lobby where we take a coach to Kanchanaburi.. met auntie connie at the lobby there... and she is like so surprise to see me and she tell me something
" wow Nel... NI SHOU LE ( you slim down) NI ZAI JIAN FEI SHI MA? " hahaha
this really make my day!!! =)

reached kanchanaburi in 2hrs plus time... this is really one peaceful place to be.. haha... we are surrounded by .. RIVER.. yeah... and .... NOTHING ELSE.... heeh....... -.-
Ok.. there goes my mood to tour ard the place during free time.............

This time round the conference is on " DOMINION church" about authority... influence. the first preaching from pastor PN hit me alot... I can hear God's whisper in my heart again this time. I cant help.. but keep me pondering throughout the whole day.
I went back to the room after the first teaching, still in the pondering mode.
The room was great.. have a great time "LANing" in the room.. during the freeslot in the first day... Leanne they all went for death railway.. i decided not to... haha... lazy to go out in the afternoon actually...( btw.. i same room as leanne and huimei)

Night time . our buffet dinner was whole stretch of thai food.
actually duirng this LC.. one thing that i find myself hated the most is - NET working" for those who dunno what is net working... means that i am to get to know people from all ard other hope churches... TELL YOU.. i really dun like net work... not that i shy or what.... just find myself hard to do it.. like very fake like that.... But through out the LC... i decided to do it.. cause i know my vision is to go around the churches to help out in praise and worship.. i really need to take it seriously... SO... i decided to sit down with ..................... the AFRICANS.. =)
Lerato and hendry are the representative of that country.. have a great talk with lerato the wife of hendry. She told me abt her ministry over at johannesberg( hope i spell correctly) and as we talk... she tell me that her church do not have a worship band for very long time.. they uses CD to worship in service... AT THAT MOMENT.. my eyes widen and i starred at her with my mouth wide open........... and she asked me.. so what i do ?I told her my role in church office.. and i told her i am also a WL in service and inchrage of vocalist and praise and worship in church level.. and she look at me .. the same way i look at her when she told me abt her ministry earlier on... and she told me " I think i saw you somewhere before... i've seen you lead worship before" i am like... ???? when? maybe God gave her a vision?? hahaha... she ask me to help her in worship in her country... i am really thrilled when i heard that... maybe in 2007 .. will go over there with some of the musicians to help out. But first and foremost... we must improved first. =)

At night., the preaching was great. the pnw was GREAT. thai team is really anointed.. can sense God spirit so filled in their team. How i wish we can reach that too. take alot of my surrendering life. At the responding time...
God hit me real hard this time. pastor Simon talked abt who is fearful of what God have told us to do.. something holding us back. some fear and doubt that we holding unto.. At that moment i can sense that whisper in my heart again. I can sense God telling me something about what he going to do through me internationally through praise and worship ( at this moment i am writing this in humility.. i know is impossible with me.. but with God.. i humbly pray that it will be done) I can sense that God is telling me that have faith in Him.. He is calling me to believe and surrender to Him as he have great plan for me, we can be a channel of blessing to many.
My vision of worship evangelism... equipping churches with worship is very much confronted by God.. but i ask myself this question.. why i want to do it... i really want to make sure my motivation is not self gain.. great influence must come with christ like character... is not a easy journey.
I responded anyway... i went to the front to be prayed for ... I ask God to help me in my life... make him so real in my life... that live a life that is trustworthy enough.

the end of the respond...I rush back to the room.. i really literally rushed back... ( cause my eye liner smurged all ard my eye and face cause i think cried too much during the altar call.. heeeh)

back to my room... i continue to ponder....what God have spoke to me....

7th Nov

We really have very very good breakfast !!buffet style.. i ate alot of sausage and ham... i discipline myself from pancakes etc.. ahaha... low carbo..
teaching as usual hit me alot.... the whole session of teaching hit me real hard abt one thing " great dominion can only be gained by people with great character " not without sin.. but blameless before Him.
Have lunch with Pastor Simon...! I asked him a few question
and i come to a realisation that singapore is the biggest church in hope movement beside bangkok and we hold the largest share of the world... cause alot of countries are under us. I am happy... and previledge at the same time.. but yet at the same time sad too.. We are the largest.. but yet.. we are not that big either.. we are only 2.9k people ... but because of this .. it makes me rtealise that how big our role is in singapore.
Much is given to us.. therefore much is expected of us too..
therefore we must do well and improve.. we are holding such a vital and crucial role.

after meeting up with pastor simon. i met up with pastor prayuht.. he is the main worship leader in chrage of whole hope thailand. Asked him a few question and indeed God answer me what i need and want to know. I teared when i talking to him.. i cant help but sense the whole urgency to see worship ministry to grow in hope singapore. Other countries are waiting for us to help them too... no time to lose

dinner, i talked with this hope serdung lady call erica. really have a wonderful chat with her. hope her ministry grow from here.

At night.. me and the rest went for a walk and photo taking ard the place.. have a great time walking with veron, leanne, xueting , huimei and also david chan..
David chan is one BIG JOKER.. he created a song for me.. called the eye liner song.. its hilarious... btw.. he suan me from the beginning of the trip to the end of trip.... waa.... he seriously is one big lamer...

8th Nov.

last day conf .. met up with Allen from hong kong.. asking them abt their worship ministry. really spur me on to do greatly thing .. they only for 2 years, but they already have a dvd cut. is not abt the dvd.. but yet it does show something abt the quality. i believe Hope singapore can do it soon also.
During lunch get to know Ann and David from Hope portland.. they just got married.. through Hope... hahah.. God is really a provider... Ann is a Thai and David is a taiwanese.. they serving God fervently together.. and funny thing is.. this trip is actually their honey moon trip... wow... how visionary can this couple gets?honey moon during LC.. wow... one day mine will be like this too.. hahahah..... but i dun really prefer cross country... caucasian maybe i will still consider.. haha.. someone like Joel houston? praying for God to give me someone that have the same vision as me. so that together we can accomplish much more.
waiting for that day.... =)

The whole LC indeed widen my vision and also my extend of influence. I realise that i can influence more then i can ever imagine. Like Lerato and Ann and erica. Really hope to visit johannesburg soon... to help them with the worship.
My vision is coming to pass bit by bit,but my life need to catch up soon.

In the evening... we went to another side of the kanchanaburi to stay.. the place is situated near the river. the scenery infront is really nice... peaceful .. especially at night... cooling.. have a nice chat with lennon... i think thru this trip i get to know him more. believe that this brother can do more for God. Btw.. we saw a eating plant swimming across the river actually... in the beginning we could figure out what is that thing that swimming around... cause its too dark at night.. untill it swims infront of a stilt house and we realise its a plant! so cool!! ( me and lennon tot it might be some crocodile or maybe anacondia ) heeehhhh....
we went to a nearby restaurant to eat and we buy alot of food to eat .. haha.. mango sticky rice is really nice.
we went for a long fellowship at night also.

9th Nov

Nothing much to write abt.. cause we went shopping.. and i am not really a person we love shopping.. so .. nothing much to write liao....

In summary,
This trip is really a wonderful trip to be...
great time with the leaders... great time hearing from God.
When God call us, God is not looking at what we have, but God is going according to the plan that he planned for us. If its what God says.. with obedient heart... Humble attitude. God will make it come to past in our life.
I know God have spoke.. now is time for my life to speak what he spoke to me in my heart, to the world.

is it me?

2006-10-31T21:26:00.000-08:00

alot of things clouded my mind....
I think i really have very high expectation on myself? or i am really not UP to the expectation... Maybe both? i dunno......
Seems like I really having a tough week this week.. having alot of evalution plus feedback..

Seriously speaking... i am sick of the praise and worship i am leading....... mediocre....when i listen to my own recording.................... seriously.. i hated it....
Seems like where i want to go and where i am now is really far off...
recently i gotten some feedback from someone.. that commented that i am still pretty far off from where i want to be ( btw.. i appreciate his/her feedback, it makes me really ponder)
Am i really up to the thing... so many "dunno how" i am handling... so many issue that i have handle.. new pastoral grp to take care of...
Am i really the one.... i been thinking............ I just so fustrated that why i am not growing as fast as i want to be....
Jo told me "vision is a vision, calling is calling " different.... it hit me somehow... But i pray that my calling is the same as my vision and i believe that God breathe this vision in me cause he know i will pursue his calling in my life.

I ask myself this question.. why i want to be the best praise and worship leader in Hope? cause i really believe that God have higher expectation of me.. lets say i have this passion in me.. lets say God give me this holy discontentment in me... But yet i want to make sure not because of pride or fame or either popularity...

I'm pressing on no matter what... I really dont believe that we cannot...............................

i getting less and less confident in the thing i doing... but i know God is with me...

It will be done.

2006-10-27T03:19:00.000-07:00

was watching the chc website today.
This church really challenge me alot , their faith, their deeds that spring out of their faith, their ministry is so anointed by the lord... They indeed is a church that spur me on to want to do more in my own church
I love Hope singapore.... the people here love the lord, love people, love the word... we are willing to give our all to the lord. Is a wonderful church... therefore i really believe that God have no choice but to bless us.. really...

been thinking about my life... was talking to zul over the msn... telling him that why God use CHC so much... why not us.. is not possible that God only want to bless CHC... but God have blessing to pour onto us... one CHC is not enough... cause God is more ambitious then us.. he want all the church to be the HEAD and not the TAIL... therefore it spurs me on...

Everyone can wait for everyone to move.. but i really convicted that it starts from someone... and that someone can be me...
I may not be the most spiritual, the most gifted... talented.... but i have a burden to make it happened.
5 years??? some says.... i cannot wait... I want to see it happened during my 25th BD.... I dont know how .. but i willing to start from me... when one seed dies to the ground .. it will in turn produces many.. it spurs me on..
being a good example.. what is it like to be a levites... live a life that is clean and clear before God...

Realise some area of my life is not so right before the lord, i want to grow out of it .. not easy.... really tough.. but what is easy.. if it suppose to be easy.. then it will not be call obedient...

.................................................................

Tp guys cg starts to form the shape somehow.. really have great time with my new sheep.. and he is Ben... our very own Cow... Tpguys is really funny.. but am really bless with this group.. they are a bunch of fun loving ppl... hahah.. have fun with them... like lanchester.. jinwei... steward... mervyn.... etc... ( dun stone me if i didnt mention you all )
haha.... But they are a great bunch to play with.. i led worship yesterday as usual... the first time i heard the guys sing so loudly,,, weixiang prophesy.. they pray tongues loudly... wooho.. God change.. when God is there.. everything changed... excited for them.....

at the same time.. i misses RP ppl....hahah.. misses visiting the CG... and also creating lame stuff toegther,., serving god and crying together... something that we went thru together.... but i know they are doing very well now.... thats why i am so happy for them.. but cant help la.. miss them.. hahaha =) all my funny buds that is inside RP..... you all in my prayer list still man!! =)

want to die liao

2006-10-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

I want to explode liao...........
How come till now i still cant get any inspiration for song................................
Pondering....................
Am stuck with verses... descriptive words... watever............................................................. =..=
ps 40.... god will put a new song in my mouth.....
" I am willing Lord"
..................................................................................
Waiting.......

Obedient is better then sacrifice.

2006-10-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

wow.. have a good time jamming with the wamers... we have the hope cafe time .. haha.. off the light singing songs... woohoo.... long time nv have that liao.

really glad to see zul, jovin, ben, joycelyn, in the jamming team already.hahaha have so much laughter and fun in it.... singing rock version of jesus is my rock.. hahahah.. so fast lo the drum,.. then this eugene singing some taiwan song... waaa.. puke !!!
btw.... prayed that we will not
just improve in skill.. but lord,.. your spirit. =)

Recently been thinking abt this thing call fame and popularity. If one that really we become so so famous... ( like hillsong) can we take the fame and popularity,. will be credit it to the lord or is all about US by then. Servanthood attitude and that sweet aroma of character that oozing out of the very core of our being.
sometime we are not is because we cannot handle yet. I think we are in this stage. we can blame from the guitarist, to the sound, to the wl, to the floor manager... blah blah blah.... but come to think about it... if let says God really want to bless and move up to the very top ( provide we have a heart for it) will God stop us..sabo us???
the answer is NO!!!
God wont... cause God plan and intention is to use and raise us Up to the very top... skill and be learned... be anointing can only we earned and bless by God when we have that heart and character to handle. If God can heal a lame... raise a dead.... God and start from nothing to create a world that is so profound.. why on earth God will like to cap us and limit us??? cannot be...... unless man is filled and full of oursleves that God can pour himself in... cause God desire a empty vessel... Obedient is better then sacrifice...

2 more years towards my vision and fulfillment of it. i am 25 by then. time is running fast and getting shorter everytime...

Cap is given by man not God.. for God's plan for man is anointing because he have given us the best --- Holy spirit.

2006-10-09T02:18:00.000-07:00

this is the week after the mission trip liao. a good and wonderful trip .. though in the midst of the trip i misses my dear friends in singapore. haa.. i smsed them in the midst of the service.. not because i not givuing attention to the pastor... but i really dun understand a single word coming from his mouth lo.. he speaking in thai... alamak...

In the trip.. i listened to the self composed song alot alot times.. dunno how many times in exact.. but really alot of times... not that i find satisfaction in listening to my own songs... but i am hoping to personalise the songs... or have any chance to change or improve the lyrics of the songs. I really desire to write songs that minister. not the tune.. or the chimness of the lyrics.. but a song that touch the very heart of God and pour down his love to the congregation when his people sing the very song to Him. the funny thing is this... now the people that stay together with me in the same hotel room during the trip actually know how tos ing the song already... hahah.. cause they subconciously catch the tune .. cause i sing alot alot of times per day lo.... hahah... thanks ze jun and josephine free advertisment!! haha

But the trip is one fruitful one in terms of my understanding of why singapore is such a unqiue and strategic place to be. why hope singapore is so important. not that we egoistic... but we trully holds a very important role in terms of discipleship and also church planting. equipping ppl to be send out. hope singapore need to grow to become a mega church so that we can help pther churched who learning the rope to grow to become one as well. we cannot keep on becoming pioneering church.. we need to be developed church. that makes me really want to do well in discipleship in my ministry. may it be worship or pastoral. we can go ard equipping people!!

i need to continue to grow in my character. humility and also learning attitude. =)

special edition: tribute to RP!!

2006-09-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

My last week in RP ....
I really love this group. they are like my best friends and my soul mates..

Some memories that i have with my rpdmm that still bring a smile on my face when i look back...

Alvin.. Someone that is nv fail to bring laughter in my life.. hahah.. he just so comical and funny.. someone that share his life with me and all the late night calls.. hahaha... crying.. hahah... :X
remember when you share all your struggles and your problems with me.. though i cannot help you very directly at times... but i know God is always with you for sure.. i believe you can do more thing s then you can ever imagine.

Sharon.. the patrick fingers... haha.. love to tease her.. her head and her fingers.. someone that is very comfortable with. you will hear her laughter basically like 10 yards away.. someone who like to do practical jokes who like to correct my english... HHRRMMPPPHH...
I know there are times when you struggle here and there...but i see how God bring you thru...will pray you will be patient in God plan for you.

Windez.. just to get really know him more .... hahha.. a LAME brother that always forget things... someone that very sincere and teacable... seldom see him complain.. but he always wanting to serve ppl ard him.. love his spirit.. your reward is greatly in heaven man!wil lmiss your jokes that is super not funny.. hahah...

Jovin.... dunno what to start from... hahah..there is so so so much memories and jokes lo.. haha.. if i need to type in here.. it takes me days... this guy .. is a joke himself.. his joke is not funny.. but normally we will laugh at him rather then the joke.. still rememebr the PING PONG THAI.. hahah.. cannot believe it that he says it to the chicken rice stall auntie when she come and take order from us.. ...things like : cucumber... subway.. etc.... will definitely stir some thoughts ..he is someone that i always share my burden and my life with.
will pray for you to grow in the lord more ok... one day shall do it togther in indoor stadium and ard hope churches. =)

Jason... a new brother that join us not long... always call me XI GUAY ( watermelon).. I will miss your jokes bro.. hahaha... though dunno you long.. but i realy enjoy the time with you as well. =)
i know that you all grow and become a man of God .. all the best and keep your heart in Him.

guys.. you all are very close to my heart. all the best for a new chapter in this new ministry growth.. will keeop you all in my heart and prayer. can still chill out together.. will see you all in the ending race together.

with Love
Nel

But changes is for growth...
But nevertheless i love you all!! will keep you all in my prayers!!
chill out sometimes ok...

love polydi

2006-09-26T00:52:00.000-07:00

wow... what a wonderful week.

Worship ministry
God Spoke to me alot on trusting him, holy ghost and also believing in what i have never done before. I can so tangibly sense God assurance of what he want to do through me. something great, big and awesome.
"Horse are vain hope for deliverance , despite of its great strength it cannot save.
only those who fear of him and trust in his unfailing love. " * abstrct from psalm33*
when i start to look at myself, i realise there is alot of things i cannot do, i cannot accomplish, i cannot attain. but when i start to gaze upon the lord, i know he can, and he want to do through me.
yesterrday i have a thought, how impactful can i be? will my vision of holding praise and worship rally , conference, going churches to churches to help will come through?? this thought came into? compare to all those foreigners, like hillsong... can hope singapore really do it? can Nel lim really do it?
God corrected me, i can sense the whisper of his in my heart. God uses the foolish to shame the wise. the key is not me, his HIM. My heart at the moment just cant help but filled with awe of him. what i like to do now is to give my life fully to build his church.

pastoral ministry

camp just ended. Its a wonderful camp have to say!! Food was really good!! all thanks to Lennon who have put in great effort in small detailed. =)
This camp is a really a great one cause i not running the camp at all!! ( finally!!) in the past i am always like some crazy woman running here and there to run the camp, this time round.. i am FREE!!yea!!
But stilll.......

i need to lead worship and do a teaching in the camp! hahah....

Teaching in this camp is a memorable one.. i really have a good time in the lord in my heart when i need to teach this lesson...
ask me to talk nonsense.. i can... but teach in a crowd and also a imprtant camp like this.. my heart is filled with.... stress and..... burden. But without fail.. God confronted me and i did it.. i dun think i did a great job.. which i believe i can do better.. but a good expereince one with God.. i really think polydi ministry can be a faithfilled and spirit filled ministry. because we are humbled enough to ask God for it.
God really use diff kind of people.
really am thankful the way God is willing to use me to impact the ministry and church in such a manner. sometime i just think the way God use people is really funny.. haha...

In the camp i get to know my sheep better and also my new unit people a but more... theere is a NEMO in NP... hahah.. and i am dory.. think we will have a good time toegther man!!
felicia is so funny and comfortable to be with... think we will have a lot of dynamic together
ze jun.. reminded me of my nanny... hahaha.. she nv fail to take care pf me in the area of malaria pill!! hahaha.. so funny!!
have good time with TP ppl also.. !!! hahah.. with the guys!! they are such a fun bunch of people to be with..!!! hahaha.... the jopurney towards the changi village was a FUN wan.. hahahaha... steward and ben!! haha.. suquan also..
Jen dance in the camp also.. she look so hilarious!!! haha... dancing hippo is what i call her!! haha love her !!
Xt, without fail... like siao za bo...hahaha.. playing and shouting in camp.. you can hear her laughter in ten yards away.. haha
Jolene... hahah.. the dog of the century!! hahaha we actually want her to stay outside the chalet to be guard dog... but........... nv mind

so many many many funny things happened !!
I JUST LOVE POLYDI PPL!!!!!
YOU ALL ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!!

Thoughts

2006-09-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

wow... time flies.. anniversary finally over. All the hard work paid off and i really see how God had brought the whole group through this period of time.
2 months ago.. still remember that the whole dance team was like struggling like hell with the moves, the concept, the storyline and everyone was like so stress with the whole performance. 9 mins... better be a good one.
But i really wanna thank God for the team.. zu, georgia, lishan, jovin for helping in the dance, really wanna thank God for matthew and team for the break dancing, know its hard for you all and alot of you are hurt in the process. YOUR TREASURE WILL GREATLY BE IN HEAVEN man.. =)
wanna thank God for all the lyrical dancers like lishan, georgia, ruisi, laila, joyce, micca, yanling, creamo. its not easy to dance with no dancing back ground, but yet i see how you all work very hard on it. God have honoured you all.
The RnB dance was really cool.. hear alot of good feedback from the ground that they think teh rain dance was really cool. thank for eugene, veron , jov, zu , ruisi and lishan. you all have work hard for the extra practices. Our prac paid off man!!!!

Really missed the good times at smu practicing.. there are so so so many jokes flying ard during the prac... jov got molested by kehan, matthew trying to act like kenny, mr donald try to rap but cannot make it...georgia and etc.... so many wonderful memories during practices... like before the dance will go and buy subway and makan, having supper at bee hoon stall after prc... it was just so memorable lo..
now no dance liao... feel wierd.. cause sunday no need go smu liao... sad...
BUT GUYS I WILL MISS YOU ALL MAN.. LETS HAVE IT AGAIN NEXT TIME!!!!

But definitely .. beside the fun.. God taught be so so many lesson throughout the whole process of the dance preparation. Humility... understand that all our talents belong to God.. what we do is to offer it back to him for his glory.. creative arts belong to God and best shd be from the church.. thats something i hear from God so so strongly. God created us in his image.. therefor lets shine his image fully to the world thru the church. that shd be the way..
humility to handle success.. i tell God that help me to handle the success lets say the dance turns out well.. i dun want to be proud out of the success of the dance..
Indeed God honoured my effort and my heart posture.. i dun think i am FULLY humble. But God knows the depth of my heart. surprise that the people ard commented that the dance was a surprise success.. all glory and honour to Him. He is the one that make everything happened. my talents and giftings belonged to Him.

Now is time to refocus my time to the pastoral .. have so much plans and thoughts for TP.. really believe tat TP have to revive and grow to a higher level. If God is real.. he will die to do something thru us... ( which apparently God already died once!) so lets do it. Having regionalising. Its not a strategy alone.. is a vision. God use us.. praying real hard for all my leaders. pray that they will have burden and owned the group.
There is a restructuring also. I wil no longer lead Rp. another thing that God really testing me.. But i tell God that i am willing to go thru it cause i know i have Him with me. In God i trust
yesterday think thru of my dream that i have for RP.. though now i no longer can do it with them.... but i believe the new leader will do even better things then i have did. If God can use such a simple person like me.. God can use the new leader even much much more.
But i wil definitely miss the team and the CG people. But anyway.. i can still see them la... ha! =)
but i will oversee 2 more new teams .. God help me to expand my wisdom and also my time... hahaha.. need it man..

TP PPL time to kick some butt liao!! lets not be passive ,.. but be impactful in the ministry that we are doing. =)

Psalm 28

2006-09-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

God knows me the most even more then i know myself.
He knows what i cannot give up, hard to give up and he knows what my fears are.
But yet he loves me the way that is perfect without blemish, thats the beauty of God's love.

Recently i been thinking alot about worship evangelism. worship is not just a tools to get people to worship God ( for in house) but worship is a tools to BRING THE PRESENCE OF God in to the assembly. no matter is non believers or christians. Thats the power of the beauty of God.

Worship in the splendor of his holiness. imagine God surround you with his thick presence of his holiness, the sweet aroma of his Love, grace his beauty just ambush you from left to right.
wow...... thats what i hope to bring every week to the audience, his church.
i really believe Hope singapore worship team can really be a blessing to the rest of the hope churches around the world. to help them be equipped in worship ministry in their mission and bring the reality of the presence of God to many many people ard the world.

worship is a encounter of God's reality. Like elijah and the God of Baals... in 1 king 18:23-24.
People postrate and cried out to God when they see God starts to manifest when elijah call upon.
Am i able to show the reality of God to people? how my relationship with God my love for people?

btw... this month there gonna be a great change taking place in my life.. waaaaaa... i realise dun like it actually.. but for God i am willing to be willing...
God help me to surrender more to you.

I will not bring any worship unto the lord that doesnt cost me anything.

psalm 22:25

2006-08-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

How much my heart desires to worship Him.
Psalms : 22:25
something that caught my attention.

" From him comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly"
When i read this verse, i have such conviction in me that the theme, focus of my praise and worship for Him comes from ..... Actually HIM .. himself. .. hahaha... ironic eh..
But it just reminded me that a God honouring worship comes from... not me.. but actually him.. himself..

On sunday, i went for FOP... as usual.. actually i very lazy to go.. but in the end i still went! hahaha
But in the FOP, one thing strike me ... song writting for God...
Hope singapore worship album shall not sing other church song... or praise and worship with other chuirches song only.. but ours song for God
We shall write song that bring the journey of worshipping in God to the congregation. thru the song we penned for God, we shall inspire the congregation in greater experience in God and also inner courts of God.
Its our duty to help the congregation to worship and praise God in a greater measure. Singing a greater song to him.
Out of our relationship in God, thru the inpiration of the holy ghost we can do it.

Psalmist

2006-07-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

Recently was reading on the book of Psalm.
I really awe by the relationship that David have with The lord. My Lord.
With such descriptive words that he have penned, he write out the love that he have between himself and his maker.
From Psalm 11 , he talk about how God love the righteous and upright man. he reflects about his consiousness of what God hates and what God delight in .
Then in psalm 18, he talks about how god loves and delighted in Him ( vs 19) .
from what he write, it just make me so " jealous"... I want that also.

During my quiet time, i just ask God this question : "God are you delighted in me ?"
At that split moment, i sense that gush of God's assurance on me. that he loves me for who i am .
he loves no matter how sinful i am, and precisely because of his love, the sinful me decide to live a life that pleases him. not exactly sinless, but i would say blameless.
I know that the depth of my relationship determine my depth of praise and worship unto him.
I know that praise and worship is a end product of my knowing and relationship with christ.
david have inspire me that is possible to have such indecribable closeness with my maker.
I trully desire to go deeper in him that i able to say what david says as well in due time.
" for the lord delighted in me"

I am also reading a book about worship transition ... by tom kraeuter..
This is really a good book that widen my understanding of praise and worship. in the past i always think that worship is for the church and the unchurch to help them to be minister by God. But through this book i realise that praise and worship is first and foremost is TO GOD. We are worshipping the lord.. ushering people to the lord is a by product when first his WL , his levites is worshipping him. Sometimes i realise that i am very much caught up with whether the crowd is minister a not, whether the music suits them or not .. and etc.. that i realise that worshipping God is not the prirorities. My jb here is to get them ( the congregation ) to God.
Love and unity build the worship unt oGod as well.

I think is really important for alll praise and worship band to really under what is worship as much as possible in both knowledge and experience so that we can trully create the kinda of worship experince to the church and usher the lost back to the maker.

I am not a Pastor with the capital "P" but i am a pastor too in leading the flock to love and adore God

2006-07-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

been thinking about worship leading recently
I am thinking of myself as a worship leader recently.
How am i as a worship leader??
I find that i am stuck. .. maybe not stuck, but i dont see a BIG breakthrough yet.
How deep am i in God? i wonder...... God.. how deep are you????
i really want to grow in my intimacy with you. I want to write song that really sing that very heart of God .. sing about God.. but i cannot write till i know how he look, "sound", "smell", talk like in a deeper manner..

Recently was thinking about the discipleship in singers ministry, the people that are built in the singers ministry, the kind of worshipper that was built in the ministry who stand on the stage every sat/ sunday inspiring hundreds and hundreds of people loving God through praise and worship.
.
.
.
Then i look at myself,
lot of work to do.... character and skill. I want and desire both.
I really believe with al my heart about the singers ministry.. that it will grow, prosper and flourish. we can and will be spiritual being that trully usher the very presence of God to the non believers and non believers.
During the wam vision night, ah long talk abt the hillsong kids pnw session, the WL leader actually lead the kids to say sinnners prayer during the praise and worship itself.
It was really a amazing and what i really looking for.
Praise and worship is a evangelism tools. A heartfelt worship from believers that influence the very heart of the non belivers and draw them to CROSS the line of unbelieving to believing. That is the reason of praise and worship. Love should be so fully and exploding through praise and worship because God is love. when God comes and dwell, love reside in the presence.

Been hearing people saying that difference in music, lighting... loudness...
Loves melt all differences, cause we all are melted by the love of christ , in his presence we become ONE in him.
Worship is less of me, but more of God. Its a private life effort that bring out during that 20-30mins praise and worship session to be explosive and dynamic but yet there is a sense of stillness and reverence in his presence.
Character and relationship in God is so so crucial.

Developing myself as a Godly and God honouring PnW leader.

Singers ministry will definitely grow!

Spirituality and style.

2006-07-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

I want to be spiritual and but yet stylish at the same time.
The praise and worship night reveal how deep i am in God.
How to be a good praise and worship leader and musicians for God

CHARACTER is the key.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Is not about being perfect , but is about dwelling and emulate the perfect one through our life. Perfect one - Jesus.

How can the praise and worship ministry be God honouring when one doesnt know how to honour the Great and almighty one, honour one and another?When oneself doesnt submit and serve the one and only audience and out of love pastor the flock through the praise and worship session every week.
That 40 minutes we have in God , in authority to serve the people that God died for and love?
Back to how much I love and desire to ?

I am more and more determine about this.
Singers cant , when God don't. because we are not ready .
let's turn the whole worship band around. But it takes alot of our life. Am i ready? are you ready. We will know...... when God come and test our foundation.
Less of us, more of God.
God give the previledge and authority to us in this area, lets use the very best of it. If you are emo, go back to the word and grow yourselves. If you are negative, listen to the word of God not the word of your own.
Noone can help, which is true, cause only God can help.
Are you willing??

"Sacrifice the right offering and trust in the lord. "

Is really time for us to have this wake up call.
When a seed died to itself, it will in turn produces many many seed.

Servanthood

2006-07-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

All praise and honour be unto God.
.
.
.
.
This sentence though look simple. a sentence that made up of 7 words. But yet these 7 words have such powerful essence to it. I been experiencing what is like to match my heart to this 7 words in all that i am doing and striving for.

In praise and worship leading, in pastoral ministry, my family, relationship with people.
I really like the song from paul baloche, all honour and praise.
One of the sentence goes like this : "lord , when you are glorified, my heart is satisfied, we know, all praise and honour are yours"

I experience this the most not when i am receieving some awards or etc... but when i realise that whatever thing i do , the results sucks.

The praise and worship night for polydi turn out to be something that i never expected it to be. ( but i really thank God for the musicians who played well and work hard for it!)
Alot people comments is not God's centered, not ministering, too music centered.
During the RDMM, all these are so called feedback. I have such difficulties to accept it, cause i really see it as a time that i can be used by God in a way that i have never experience before. I was so so so disppointed ( not dissppointed by the RDMM team comments itself, but much of the outcome)
I really am so crushed .. why God????? i am asking??? WHy again?????? you did it once.. now again.... You know my heart is not self glorifying..............................................................
But God says to me : Search deeper

I really ask God... I really did. Asking God.. is it that i am not meant to lead? or what???? what you trying to teach me.......
Is not abt the style of music... ( which is true that ppl comment that the music choosen is not appropriate that night ) i am actually kinda of defensive when people comment the kind of music is not spiritual..... I was like........ ....... ooooo.. ok........
But God you know........... Just feel so so so so ......... hmmm...

I went back hiome on sunday night.... heavy in heart. was talking to Jon lee and jov on the way back home. Jov say i stress... but i am not stressed.. but more like.... " why?? " who on earth want to serve God in delight in ineffectiveness or cannotmakeit- ness. no one i believe... at least not me.

The more i think.. the more i come before God and reason
I break before God and say... i really sucks lord!! How much i dont like it...
A
t this moment , i remember what i learn frm paul baloche workshop :
Is abt serving. servanthood.

I start to accept all this with humility.
start to recognise that is not what i prefer.. but what is the best in serving people ard me, in the church through God's given roles.
Once i remember Alan tea says that alot of stage minister like musicians and singers have diff to stay long in this ministry and people come and go...
which i do agree that this ministry is not easy.. is really serving... not about preference, what i like.. what music i love, what style i am...
But what the best to serve the congregation.. when we cloth on the humility of christ , the servanthood spirit, we have such joy in serving him with our roles. Criticism, evaluation... all this is for us to grow and improve... we need to learn this big time!! if not we will not grow and serve Him beyond who we are... serving God is not abt who we are... but who he is.. what he think the best.....
If God want me to change.. i will .. though i know it will take time.. but i will..

Make me servant of God.. not servant of music, instrument, style..... what he called us to be.. we will be.

psalm it says " rejoice in trembling" rejoice is more then a feeling.. is a attitude that reflects from our christ like character.

yesterday in DLC, pastor jeff share that he teared when watching city harvest service where taufik and singers went for their emerge conference as guest star. Not that pastor jeff jealous that taufik went to their church.. but is more like.. " God why not me ? why not our church as well that able to be so influence? "
when he say that, i felt the same too.... but then i know why la.. for my case.. i need to change.

musicians and singers: lets really grow in the lord. in heart, in mind and in character. God will mould. and allow him .

Realisation

2006-06-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

I am giving you my heart
all that is within
laying all down, for the sake of you my king
giving you my dreams,
laying down my rights
giving you my pride
for the promise of new life

I surrender
all to you (x2)

Singing you this song
waiting at the cross
what the world hold dear
i count it all as lost
for the sake of knowing you
glory of your name
everlasting joy
and the sharing in your pain.

I surrender
all to you ( x2)

What i can be in God, what will i be in christ? Nothing beats then knowing What is God.
Seek the giver and not the gift .. this thing become so real to me. Its just so scary to be stuck and entangle with alot of to dos .. task but yet forgo our basic foundation .. that is our love in christ.
recently i have been thinking alot of our music ministry. singers .. pastoral ministry...what is the key of all these ministry?

Life.. being... US. We.. Me... I....
The key is I .. not in a carnal centered way, but I .. life of " Nel" life of " blah blah blah " . we are called to shine God's name in a very unqiue way. unique in a sense the way that God have crafted just for ME.
I really spend some time thinking and praying for some people in my life. Praying for Xueting that God will show more his passion and his truth to her. She will not just lead her life in this way, but different way... conviction that will blow people mind away.
Praying for Alvin, God will use this man to rise up man that are with character, passion and deep anchor conviction in christ that shake the world. Let the noble seed grow.
Praying for Jolene... God widen her view, open her spiritual eyes to see in your ways. the way you see the world. share your burden with her. Help her to gain insight that change her life. give her a turning point.
Praying for Jen. Give her a heart of compassion that will compel her so deeply in your house. whatever she do and touch with be fruitful . Like a vine to the branches.

Praying for sharon .. Pray that she will grow in her love in you, experience and truth in you. Her motto in life is to know and please you. This life is to be a pleasing and honouring life unto you. a woman that seeks after your heart totally.

Praying for some of the wam people also. praying for the musicians that God will help them to grow into another level. This ministry will flourish and will be a great impact to many.

Love, purity and spirit filled will be the kind of people that we can see rising up in our midst.

Nothing is more important then being the right person then just getting things done.

Jesus. i will to know you more.

All drummers are Homo??? hmm....

2006-06-21T02:04:00.000-07:00

hahah... i got 3 friends .. they are our very own the HOMO 3.. heeeh..
presenting.....
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.
.

Davinna ~ our very own verion of TAITAI drummer.
He like to talk like a tai tai and carry his bag like a tai tai....

Jovinna ~ our very own KUKU head drummer
He have problem with speech and pronunciation problem. eg: Concubine = CUcumber, filet o fish = Yu bao bao ( in chinese) and ... alot more. .... he cant tell joke .. but HE IS THE JOKE.. =)

Zulaina ( think very long wan lo... thinking how to add the "na" into zul) ~ our very own VAIN drummer..
He like Pink............... ( now you know why he is in the homo 3?? )

hahahah.... it all started with davin... so bros... dun kill me... =)

alright.... all jokes aside...
this week is a stress week for me... alot of things just seems to come to me..
1) I lost my $700 necklace.. diamond pendant. Is not the cost of the necklace .. but is really have sentimental value to me. my grandma bought for me, and she left not much years on earth. this will be the thing that she left for me.. i really feel like crying .. my whole sat was kind of affected actually...
2) how to grow TP and RP....... i really no idea liao.. i need wisdom.. grow to 100.. i really need it.. God is my strength .. programming and pastoral ministry .. to strive in both.. i really need wisdom. I am weak too.. though i do look strong outside.. but i am still human... Lord i need you!!
3) SICK... i am sick... haiz... i hate it when i sick.............

Anyway... God is here with me.. i know... thats why i love the song.. i more i seek you.. it just sang out all that i have in me...

God... I need you.. i hate the life that i am leading now.. i want more then this...
i do not know how will i be able to go thru it.. but i know somehow.. i will .. with you.

You guys rock my socks off!!

2006-06-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

Finally .. evo retreat is over!! really want to thank God for those who work hard. Like the Musicians - richard, jovin, jiasheng, sharon, ben, joyclyn and not forgetting the singers like Alvin, jen and steward. Programmer like elaine and the deco team !! really appreciate your hardwork. The team who work very hard as well like the xueting, jolene, sharon , jen and alvin who work hard in inviting and geling the ppl together. Really appreciate. =)

The evo retreat night didnt really turn out to be the way it shd be, we really put in so so so much effort, but it just didnt turn out to as big hit as what i want it to be. Honestly speaking i am very very disapointed then when the turn out is not what i think it shd be. =(
I am so so so so so affected actually.

But just at the point of disapointment, God speak to me what to be grateful and thankful of. I love my group!!! i really appreciate and treasure the people that are with me ... I really treasure all my friends , sister and bro... at that moment .. i was thinking if i am not in church, where i shd be then?
.
.
.
I cant think of........

cause i am so stuck here in this church, in this family. where i spend me years with. thru thick and thin. I am so grateful that i have wonderful team that is with me. My group people. RP and TP you guys rock!!! I really am so so so so so so so thankful for that God place you all in my life. You all are not my sheeps , members only.. you all are my friends.. my spiritual bro and sister that i will continue to see till eternity. .. can you imagine that

not only abt my grp,... i really appreciate jiasheng and richard who help out, donald who also came in and help... really love ya guys!~
Really appreciate you all who are now alreadt in wam.. though you all are no longer in TP, but you all are always my dear dear sis!! wanqi + Jon lee+ Joel !!! appreciate you all! you all are people who are very close to my heart!

wow... imagine .. we all are going to end the race together when we see God together.. such a beautiful sight.. i think i will teared in joy.... * i am tearing now liao*

Really thank God for the serangoon gang too!! you all are my supper mate wor!! hahah.. but i really think is more then supper mate.. you all impacted my life and bring so much joy and laughter into my life too .. they are none other then : zul, jiasheng, jovin, cedric , alvin patrick. Thank god for you all.

Last but not least YY!!!! i love you!! you never fail to take care of me.. like my mum like that.. you really am someone that i know i can always trust in! * muackz*
Pearline!! my another buddy... who i know we will end this race together. =)
Jasmine.. my dear shepherd+ friend... Thank you for believing in me.. i will always rememebr this. =)

there are so so so much to thank God for. I took 20 mins appreciating and telling how much i appreciate the community during the evo night, and most mushy thing i have ever say in my life. haa... * blush*

thank God for all of you!! you all have impacted my life so so so much. I really do appreciate.. Thank GOD FOR GOD.. hahah... for he place alllll this wonderful thing in my life. HE taught me what is love and to love. Thank you BIG ONE!!

Church is where i will be and want to be forever.

Red n Black

2006-05-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

I simply love Red and Black. Red represent passion, black is just simply = " COOL"I love the mysterious feel of black and i love the whole passion of Red. I love it cool yet i love it full of passion!! hahaha.. i think i am crapping here.Got scolded by tons n tons of KUKU head saying that I didnt update my blogs for long liao. hahah.. so starts with some crapping first just to warm up.wow.. this whole month is really a INTENSE and super duper rock on month to be. TP RP having this whole Evo_reVolution thingy. It was just to super duper cool lo.We have our very first evo meet at the europe room. we have all the black colour trash bags sticking to the walls and we have our praise and worship in the DARK with our torch lights on. hahah.. sooo sooo sooo cool!! I really believe that christian can be both cool, biblical and also with character! who says christian are boring people???God is the most creative supreme being that no one can even be compared with lo.I am so so so so so so inspire by hillsongs! they are both Godly and hip as well. I heard from jasmine they are 25K ppl now.. thinking.. how much is actually 25k arh?? woo..LONG GONE the era of the KUKU christian ... here comes the hip, cool yet godly christian .. emerging.........But definitely all these takes alot of sacrifices and faith in Him. Realising the evo_revo campaign is really a test inflicited onto myself, But i simply loving it! I see how disgusting i can be in terms of character, but i see how Holy and Gracious God.I realise that when we realise how bad we are and repent, we will see how holy and gracious God is. AND WOALA!! thats when those we seriously want to be more christlike , at this moment will start to imitate christ and be more christlike. because they see how God is like to them and they will start to act the same way as God acts.. that how we can be more loving and Godly in him.In fact i tell my DMM ppl that the start of this campaign will bring abt moulding and testing upon us. Humility is one of it. God have to help us to be humble.. thats when we can handle of the glory that he is goingto share with us. Amazing!Josh 3:5talk abt humility, God have been teaching this to me alot . especially on my voice.I cried ..........................This fear grip me. fear of losing my voice. since camp .. i have not been resting my voice, i start to realise that it hurts when i sing. especially during the rehearsal night on thurs...I went back alone that night. Not wanting to talk to anyone.. I cried before Him ..... I hate the feeling of losing this thing that i treasure alot. But i ask myself, what if God take it away, what will i do.I will DO nothing. If he wants , i will. .......................................................................................I really hate this feeling. . . . ... . . .Sat comes, praise and worship. is a miracle that i can sing .. kinda smooth. People commented that i sing well, in my heart i know is God's grace.Now i just want to do the human possible to rest my throat to be a good steward of God's gift. Ultimately worship pastor.... is my dream.To God:I know you are with me. You have the best for me. Help me to go through this time victoriously. The dream, passion that you placed in me , i know is the way you created me to be and excel in. Help me in my character so that i can able to manage when you share your glory with me. thanks! Amen.

Red Hair

2006-02-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

hohohohohoho........
I want it to be orange......... but it turns out to be RED!~ Oh... Crap..

hahahahaha...... but my dear Jen says:" waaaa..... IS THAT JON LEE??"

My heart STOPS.... AT that Very MOMENT..................

dunno is my his fortune OR my Mishap. -..-""

Alrighty... First day of work today in church office. Alot of things to learn man... i really do think so ....

Anyway........ alot to do and look in for this week. Building Foundation !!!

What is spirituality and bilicality?

Today listening to a sermon from mars hill church. from Ecc... The pastor mentioned about :" God is nt just interested in your spirituality , but your biblicality as well"

Is easy to be spiritual I think, but it takes alot of diligent and focus to be biblical.

Spiritual can be spiritually in tune with a supreme God out there, his presence. Biblicality is practicising what we have inside our heart and mind. If you are biblical, you be spiritual , but when you are spiritual doesnt necessarily mean yu are biblical..

Right?

Pondering.........................

Life . Gift from God

2006-02-07T07:35:00.000-08:00

To God,

Hi Dad, I so hope to see you.
These few years you have been there for me no matter where i am and what i did.
i Know you teaches me when i am rebellious and I know you never give up on me.
I can sense your protection even in the midst of discipline

God, what wil you say when you see me ? and what will i say when i see you.
Maybe i cant say anything anymore,
but i think i will grab the arms of yours that have been my refuge, my shelter when ever i needed, when i am weak , when i find myself couldnt make any more step.
That same pair of arms have been there for me.

I am created by you and you are in me.
that is the most wonderful thing that i can ever ask for in my life.
No one knows me more then you.
Everyone sees the strong part of me, but you see beyond that andyou know me in and out.

God.........................................................
My life is yours, let your grace be sufficient in my life.
I want to live for you alone , with no consideration of man's recognition, results and all those rubbish things that rob my joy in you.

I pray for my people..... let them hear you .
Thats i asked,
they needed you . Help them see this important truth.

Touch us lord.

Come and make my heart your home
come and be everything i know
search me thru and thru
till my heart becomes home for you

2006-02-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

* yawnz*...
Now is 1:23am liao.
But i couldnt sleep. Thinking of my sheep and my group and my life as well..
Seemingly that I still having this post festive season syndrome * tendency to sleep very late*
Anyway,nothing to do , already so late, might as well surf the net to read some online bible
* sound very spiritual hor?? ^..^*
anyway...

I come across a few verses as i am studying the book of proverb that caught my eyes very much
.
.
.
Prov 9:6 "Leave off, simple ones [forsake the foolish and simpleminded] and live! And walk in the way of insight and understanding."

Prov 9:13 "The foolish woman is noisy; she is simple and open to all forms of evil, she [willfully and recklessly] knows nothing whatever [of eternal value]."

Prov 9:17 Stolen waters (pleasures) are sweet [because they are forbidden]; and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.(D)
18But he knows not that the shades of the dead are there [specters haunting the scene of past transgressions], and that her invited guests are [already sunk] in the depths of Sheol (the lower world, Hades, the place of the dead).

*haha... must be thinking i sound CHEEM right? i myself am amused by my own also! that in a late
night like this is really unusual for me to EXPOUND the word now man... *

Is true that short term pleasure is also much more attractive at the moment.. is it not true?? fellow human beings? *To eat a whole big cup of Haagen Daz ice cream is definitely much more attractive then gulping the whole bottle of medicine down... *

it is just not attractive enough...................
thats how we are, carnally...
Have been hearing alot nowadays that people think that God way is true... is Good for me, But it doesnt mean that is way that

i WANT!

* sound familiar, at least for me*

What we desire nowadays is " what we WANT " and no longer " what is needed"anymore.
For WANT is much more attractive to us then what we trully NEED already.
.
.
But how many of us can be sure that at this moment the "WANT " that we pursue will always be the same " WANT" that we will be pursuing in 10 years? 20 years down the road? or even before our death bed?
For man grow, and we change as well .... our WANT change as well. ....................
* I would probably want a barbie when i am 10 years old, but definitely not now, accrd to my age which is a beautiful EIGHTEEN *

But what we trully " NEED" is something that will probably always be the same.. I needed air to survive when i am 10 yrs old, even now i still needed it....

We needed God. That is how God create human being. I really think when man start not to be so caught up with what we want from the world but trully look deep in us and think. we need a eternal God who can fit into this vacuum in us. Love, security, completeness.

We can have all the want nw and then, but ultimately our need of a supreme God will always manifest in diff ways in our life. It will never go away or diminished, cause that's how we are been created in the first place.

ok.... * Ywanz* ...
Back to my bed liao
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2006-02-01T05:04:00.000-08:00

just something that I find so amazing

Present To you...................

AVRIL LAVINGE WITHOUT MAKE UP!!!

Oh man!!! is it not a encouragement to all woman??

haha.. we can be pretty too if we make some effort in make up .....

I not StupiD

2006-01-31T09:20:00.000-08:00

Wow.. all i can say is that this is really one great show that Jack Neo have directed.

" how long have i Not been affirmed for what i Have done"?

or maybe.......

" How long have i not giving affirmation to people around me"
I really think that people are always hunger for acceptance and love and one way is through encouragement and appropriately praising people around us.
Sometimes I do feel I have not been appreciated for what I have done, but what bother me more is that how much i have shown my appreciation to people around me and affirm them for what they have done?

Very Little ............... I think. =)

Sometimes is just so hard to look at people strength then weakness for we are people who are not contented with what we see and have. we always think " ITS NOT ENOUGH" and that makes us see things around us even much more negatively.
How great is a world where people are so secure to affirm one another abundantly and encourage people so that everyone can strive and soar with their strength in God.

Learning to ..... ...... ......
But how about correction and also speaking the truth about one's fault and incompetency?
I think affirmation and evaluation can also come hand in hand.
I will see them as :

Evaluation: Tell you where you are now factually

Affirmation : A catalyst that bring you to where you should be from where you are now

Learning still.......................

2006-01-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

me and my supervisor from canon..

2006-01-30T21:02:00.000-08:00

Ekks.. ANTs On my Nose.. BUT I Like~~~

Happy Chinese New year!!

2006-01-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

HohoHo.. Finally got myself A BLOG!!
Alamak, have been talking about it for erm.... a year liao!! hahah..
Actually now i finally got myself a blog, but i realise .. i dunno what to blog also. So many things to say but dunno how to start le.

BUT... start with Happy new year first la... * to all those who visit my first ever NELLYBIRDIE* blog . Dun ask me why i name it BIRDIE after my name.... I DUNNO... just find it

kinda ...

ryhmes??

anyway.. 2006 is a kickbutt starting year for me liao. alot of challenges and also of self improvement to be done ...

( I WANT TO KICK off 5 kg more!! haiz.. but temptation is all around during new year... especially when you go house visitation everyone will start to tell you "CHI LA CHI LA BU YAO KE QI " and the bak kwa will start to call your name.... thats when .. -..-")

Soon be doing some planning and also updating of the camp liao. ... this year camp better be GOOD..

Ok la... going off liao. ..................................................... * i am just testing my self made blog now anyway*

Buai.... blog more next time!!